this week's clicks.

get your week off to a colorful start...
SWOON.

A Burst of Beautiful

• Loving Alicia's simply decorated sideboard for spring.
• Crushing on this former gardener's cottage in California.
• A lovely, smile-filled intimate wedding on a Michigan farm.

SMILE.

• Desktops: Mospens Studio, TIMS, and Bonnie Christine.
• The striking WVa teachers packed lunches for their students.
• Harry + Meghan + Spice Girls? Probably, if you ask Mel B.

FLASHBACK.

• 2016: St. Patrick's Day pinspiration and favorite fictional foods.
• 2015: spring style picks.
• 2014: all about Pinterest, green pieces for spring, dog-sitting, and a St. Patrick's mani.
• 2013: A DIY decoupage Easter egg wreath, 1920's-inspired wedding ideas, and Art Deco home office picks. 

currently [february 2018]

finishing: the recruitment process for my school's 2018-2019 class! For those of you who may not be regular readers, I'm an instructional coach and the director of a public school-within-a-school for eighth grade students that focuses on Project Based Learning. This is our first year and it was awesome to see that the word has gotten out about our program and we will need to do a lottery for admissions since we have more applications than spots. I've had about 20 current students helping with sharing information about our program at meetings with parents, students, and seventh grade teachers, and I've also been fielding a lot of parent phone calls.

wishlisting: felt letter boards! I'd been seeing them on Instagram for a while, of course, and thought they were cute, but never felt like I needed one until I started thinking about how useful they could be in photos of Baby Quinn when he starts reaching milestones. Emily from Jones Design Company did a letterboard round-up on her blog recently, and I'm leaning toward this one from Target - I like the square shape and the price is right.

subscribing: in the process of creating our baby registry, we realized how many baby things we just knew nothing about, and left the stores with several items on the helpful checklists they provided still unchecked. I put Mr. Q in charge of research monitors since he is our household technology enthusiast, but for everything else I have really appreciated the product reviews on Lucie's List and subscribed to the newsletter for helpful advice delivered weekly. 

watching: the Winter Olympics! I was a little underwhelmed by Pyongchang's Opening Ceremonies, but I'm enjoying watching some of the events this weekend. Growing up in the 90's I pretty much became a lifelong fan of figure skating, and I've fallen in love with married pairs skating couple Chris Knierim and Alexa Scimeca Knierim while watching them compete in the team event. Also, Leslie Jones from Saturday Night Liveis live-tweeting while watching the Games and it's hilarious.

hearting: I've been Pinning a bunch of floral manicures lately and considering trying nail wraps again (I didn't have the patience for the application process the first time around, but I love the idea of perfect nails for 2 weeks). So perfect for Valentine's Day!

Linking up with Anne from In Residence

currently... [december 2017]

Two of my favorite bloggers, Anne from In Residence and Jamie from Perpetual Page-Turner (who became a mom while I was on hiatus! Congratulations Jamie!), have features on their blogs with what they're currently up to, so this month I decided to join in now that I'm back to blogging. 

lighting: an Advent candle every Sunday. One candle, because I went super minimalist this year/never got around to buying additional candles or making a wreath. I ended up popping a pillar candle into an empty glass jar, adding some Epsom salt and glitter "snow," and calling it good - it's the prayer and spiritual preparation for Christmas that count. Ann Voskamp and Tsh Oxenreider have some great Advent resources on their sites if you're interested in starting this spiritual practice but not sure where to begin.

spending: my mornings wondering if I'm going to be sick and late for work or if I'll make it there on time. Thanks, Baby Q. My nausea and morning sickness are definitely less terrible now that I'm in my second trimester, but every now and then the floor tiles start swimming, or I'll start gagging for no apparent reason, and apparently my heartburn is never going away #hairybaby

choosing: Dirty Santa gifts for upcoming celebrations with my Bible study and co-workers. I don't know why a simple party game that's meant to be playful and funny causes me so much anxiety, but I never know what to buy! I don't really want my contribution to be THE gift everyone fights over, but I certainly don't want it to be the one no one wants.

sending: what feels like a million Christmas cards. We did a photo card for the first time ever with one of the pictures from our pregnancy shoot, and I may have gone overboard on the order. I saved money with a coupon from Motherhood Maternity, but as someone who usually just grabs two boxes of cards from the store, there was definite sticker shock.

singing: Hanson and NSYNC Christmas songs - those were the first two holiday albums I ever purchased and they're still the first ones I play every year!

reading: The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines - not super into it so far. I feel like I'm reading a boring e-mail exchange between a married couple.

eating: cookies Mr. Q made with the leftover Halloween Kit-Kats and Reese's we still had in the kitchen. 

wearing: a LuLaRoe Carly dress on a regular basis - it's so perfect for pregnancy, but I still look like I put some effort into my outfit for work. 

watching: Brooklyn Nine-Nine - I started streaming it on Hulu and watch a few episodes a week. Why has it taken me so long to catch on to how great this show is? Also, I think I am Amy Santiago.

waiting on my DVR: several episodes of Saturday Night Live - I haven't been able to stay up very late recently. I think the last SNL I watched was Gal Gadot if that tells you anything.

texting: my sister-in-law and her girlfriend about family Christmas plans.

on my library holds list: Drums of Autumn by Diana Gabaldon - I tried to read it once before and failed, but I really miss the characters so I'm going to give it another try.

on my book to-buy list: Wintersong by S. Jae-Jones for the Creating & Co. virtual book club - have any of you read it? Is it worth paying for?

waiting to be released: Maggie Stiefvater's Dreamer trilogy (the follow-up to the Raven Cycle with Ronan as the main character).

looking forward to: winter break, even though ours is very short this year (our last day of school is December 22nd, and we go back January 2nd).

craving: Cheez Doodles, Doritos, nachos, Amy's macaroni and cheese, etc. - for reasons I will probably never know, powdered/fake cheese seems to be my number one pregnancy craving. Is there some mineral in "cheese product" that my diet is missing?

griping about: our standardized testing schedule. As if testing in and of itself weren't bad enough, we never seem to be very organized ahead of time, and there are two days when I'm going to end up basically babysitting the students who aren't testing. I have put together an awesome activity for the first day, but for the second I am super tempted to pop in a movie.

need to do: finish my Christmas shopping, especially for Mr. Q (does anyone else find that husbands are incredibly difficult to shop for? Why is that man so self-sufficient?)

this week's clicks.

get your week off to a colorful start...
LISTEN.

• Heard this song at the hair salon this morning and fell. in. love.

SWOON.

India Earl via Green Wedding Shoes

• A sweet rock climbing gym proposal via Green Wedding Shoes.
• A Fixer Upper classroom is a thing that exists, and I am jealous.
• From Kelsea Holder, a dreamy, slightly boho Arizona elopement.
• A Dutch castle, an art deco dress - this SMP wedding is amazing.

SMILE.

• April desktops: The Blog Market, Lynda Creates, Smashing, Flipsnack.
• Target's next designer collaboration is with Victoria Beckham...
• I bet she knows these secrets of women who never seem to get tired.
• Currently pinning lots of Easter inspiration (book page eggs 4ever).

FLASHBACK.

• 2016: serenity blue color inspiration, spring table number ideas
• 2015: my entertainment faves, Rachel Held Evans' Searching for Sunday,
• 2014: a classic Spring Break wardrobe and a spring and summer bucket list.
• 2013: all about Twitter, citrus prints, and the Susan G. Komen 5K Race for the Cure.
• 2012: Titanic dinner party.

my late spring in instagram.

As y'all know, Instagram is my favorite form of social media. Lately, I've been striving for a balance of "styled" shots that help me practice my photography skills and real, un-posed memories of small town life that I know will serve as a diary for years to come. I'm really happy with the result! Here's what I've been up to since spring break.

Spring break photography practice with some blossoms from

the trees around our townhouse and a few of my favorite

antiques - this espresso cup is from my parents' time spent

living in Germany and I can't pass up a blue Ball Mason jar!

My jewelry organization situation was reaching crisis mode, 

so I ordered this cute arrow hook from Urban Outfitters and

I'm in love with it. It's the little things! Spring break = real 

lunch without having to supervise 150 kids or rush to eat!

One of my town's gems - the Grainery, which is home to an

art gallery/store and glass blowing school/studio. I love the

Van Gogh inspired mural outside. | Someone got my yoga

teacher this fantastic gnome as a gift at the end of term.

My mom is from the Kentucky and watches the Derby religiously

every year. This year we celebrated at my house with virgin

mint juleps - the colorful paper straws reminded me of the 

jockeys' racing silks. | This spring I taught three boys I referred

to as my Musketeers on their best days and my Stooges all the

others - all three were on the baseball team and I loved going

to their last middle school game, where they shone like stars.

         

My Bestie and her husband came in from Seattle to visit their 

families and their trip just happened to coincide with our 31st 

birthday (we were both born on May 29th!). We celebrated in 

true Roanoke fashion with a very indulgent brunch at Thelma's 

Chicken & Waffles, visiting a downtown event for a photo op with 

a mini horse, an adult big wheel ride on the Greenway with my tribe, 

homemade ice cream from Hits, and dinner at Beamer's 25 in honor 

of Bestie's love for Virginia Tech (as a Wahoo, this is true friendship).

Bestie and I both bought each other whale gifts for our birthday

in reference to an old inside joke from when we worked at

4-H camp together and our resulting catchphrase, "Whale please!"

Great minds think alike even when living on opposite coasts.

Finally, here's my chubby adorable cat, Scout, responding to being 

called "pretty boy." He is 100% awake in this picture.

Are you on Instagram? Let's be friends - you can follow me here.

{Linking Up with Weekend Snapshots at Her Heartland Soul}

lately in instagram.

It's been a while since I recapped my life's happenings and

wanderings through the lens of Instagram! Here's what

I've been up to since the winter holidays...

Fun around Roanoke: the annual "Guns and Hoses" hockey

game between local law enforcement and firemen, and

ice skating on the new outdoor rink in Elmwood Park.

Happy mail from Germany and fun with friends

Snow day opportunities to find peace and take things slow

(and make this colorful, healthy salad from Not Without Salt)

Valentine's Day sweets - Voting in the Virginia primary

Busy teacher - In March I had the opportunity to visit a local

magnet school with co-taught classes and a working barn!

Best necklace ever, a gift from my coworker - My family

Easter selfie in the church parking lot + VIP seating

Spring break lunch date with Mr. Q + visiting Grounds 

with my favorite girls (totally stole this picture!)

Are you on Instagram? Let's be friends - you can follow me here.

{Linking Up with Weekend Snapshots at Her Heartland Soul}

literary junkies - february 2016

Here are this month's questions:

1. What are you reading right now? Tell us about it.

I just finished the Welcome to Night Vale novel by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor. I'd listened to a few episodes of the podcast a while back after seeing some of Celeste's doodles inspired by the show and wondering who Cecil and Carlos were and why Tumblr was so obsessed with them! I didn't get obsessed with it, but I appreciated the weird, Lovecraftian surrealism - probably my favorite Night Vale offshoot is their Twitter account, actually. I didn't know about the book until a few of my fellow Female Geek Bloggers mentioned it, and then saw it under my library's new eBook releases. Just as the podcast took me a few episodes to appreciate, it took me a few chapters to get into the book, which focuses on two mysteriously connected characters, perpetually 19-year-old pawn shop owner Jackie and single mom (to a shapeshifting teenage boy) Diane. They live in the utterly weird desert town "where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep." The book's mystery begins when a bland-looking man in a tan jacket gives Jackie a piece of paper she can't put down, and a similarly forgettable man goes missing from Diane's office (Evan? Ethan? Everett? What was that guy's name again?). The trouble with living in Night Vale is knowing when something weird is actually weird enough to be worried about.

2. Have you ever read a book that made you want to immediately travel to that destination?

Nothing comes to mind automatically, but in college I desperately wanted to move to New York and I think it was because I was reading large quantities of "chick lit," like The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing, where the main characters were usually in low-level publishing jobs in the city.

3. What is your ideal reading spot? (Ex. Reading nook in a library, in bed, in a hammock on the beach, etc)

I guess I should say my zebra chair in my classroom, because I love reading to my kiddos every chance I get, but I can't lie, my end of the sofa is indented lower than Mr. Q's because it's the perfect cozy spot to read, usually early in the morning or late at night. However, my all-time favorite reading spot anywhere in the world is the McGregor Room in Alderman Library at UVa - the closest I'll ever get to the Gryffindor Common Room. I also spent a lot of time lying on the grass with a book in the Ampitheatre on sunny days when I was in college. As a tween reader, it was this spot at my local public library.

4. If you wrote a memoir, what would the title be?

I can't even think of a new name for this blog, but I think my memoir would need to be called 30 Going on 13 because teaching middle school is the biggest part of my life, I love puns, and my students are my heart and soul (and best source of funny stories and quotes like, "School food is for hobos.")

5. One of our great literary giants has recently passed, author of To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee. Did you read the book? Thoughts/opinions. What about Go Set a Watchman? 

I have a cat named Scout; what do you think? TKAM was required reading in 10th grade advanced English at my school, and even though most of my classmates were overwhelmed by the length and serious subject matter, I got hooked (it helped that my mom had already shown me the movie!). I can still remember my teacher describing it as a "perfect book" and explaining that she meant that there wasn't a single word or phrase in the novel that didn't need to be there. Since then, I've always tried to remember that good writing should be succinct. I did read Go Set a Watchman, and while I wasn't blown away by it in a literary sense I could really relate to Scout's struggle - when you grow up, how do you continue to love your family members once you see that they are flawed?

What have you been reading lately? Come link up with us at 

Pink Heels Pink Truck and Life with a Side of Coffee!

2016 moodboard.

Images, L-R: 1, 2, 3 | 4, 5, 6

This month, the theme for The Circle link-up at In Its Time was to create a moodboard for 2016. As I created my moodboard, I thought about how I want to 2016 to feel and what I want each day to look like. Here are some areas of my life I want to prioritize this year.

calm mornings

I've always been something of a night owl, but lately I've really been looking into how my sleep affects my overall health. My mornings are typically very rushed, and it doesn't help me start the day in a very nice mood. I'd like to be able to wake up earlier and spend some quiet time eating a "real" breakfast and actually enjoying my coffee, reading, doing a devotional, practicing yoga, writing in my journal, or setting goals for the day before I have to greet 30 teenagers!

nurturing my passions

• Teaching - I love, love, love my job. I definitely want to be involved with teaching and/or working with young people for the rest of my life. However, I've gotten a little complacent lately - I've gone from being the new teacher who was constantly reading professional development books, taking classes, and attending conferences to being the veteran who recycles lesson plans and goes home to watch Netflix. To try to rekindle that flame, I've applied to several programs for this spring and summer that should help get me back on track. I really want to be a teacher who is always innovating and trying new things.
• Writing - If someone had told me ten years ago that I wouldn't have published anything significant by the age of thirty, I probably would have gotten very depressed. My writing is another thing I think I've gotten complacent about - I use the busy-ness of my teaching job and personal writing, like blogging and Tumblr, to avoid writing for a purpose. Just like with exercise, if I don't make time to write creatively, it's not going to happen. What am I hiding from?

welcoming change

Change is scary to me, but my One Word for 2016 is horizon and when I look at the image of the girl facing the horizon, I see that she's facing the ocean and its ever-changing waves - one of my favorite places to be and one that I find incredibly calming. Change is a constant in life - in relationships, at work, and with our personal interests. I had to reevaluate some friendships in 2015, and gained a stronger sense of self (a little more about that here). Buying a house and being able to turn it into a place to welcome friends and family any time we want will be a big change. Moving to a new school for a semester will be a big change. I need to face the horizon rather than trying to run from it.

health and wellness

• I'm not exaggerating when I say that yoga has changed my life - I'm calmer, more patient, and more centered, and as a nice side effect my body is leaner. I want to keep practicing yoga regularly (at home in addition to the class I attend) and challenge myself to try more difficult poses.
• I've been working to improve my health and diet for almost four years now, since receiving my PCOS diagnosis, but nothing has been as helpful to me so far as the app that came with my Jawbone UP2 band (read more of my thoughts about the UP2 here) - the combination of tracking sleep, workouts, and food and positive reinforcement really seems to be working. I've tried various boot camps, diets, and cleanses, but none of them have really "stuck." Hopefully I'm on to something now!
• One of the things I'm most looking forward to when we do move out of our current townhouse is being able to have a garden and grow our own vegetables. I grew up in a rural area and sometimes I just need a little dirt therapy.

community

The time has come for me to break through my social anxiety and find a place to pray and worship (I wrote a little more about this here). Ever since reading Rachel Held Evans' book Searching for Sunday last year (my review is here), I've been yearning for the kind of transformative experience she writes about. I don't want to be yet another millennial who left the church and never returned - unlike some people I know who thrive on solitary spiritual paths, I am just no good at staying in the Word on my own. I have been making excuses for far too long, and this needs to be the year I find a church home, even if that means going alone. I miss the sense of belonging and understanding that I had in college with my fellowship, small group, and close-knit church. As I've said before, I know that there's no "perfect" church, but there must be one out there (hopefully not too far away) that I can help make wonderful.

#5FandomFriday - January 15th - 5 Ways I Am Going To Take Chances In 2016 

5 Fandom Friday is a weekly prompt challenge hosted by The Nerdy Girlie and Super Space Chick. This week's #5FandomFriday topic is 5 Ways I Am Going to Take Chances in 2015, and I've enjoyed reading the other girls' responses to this prompt so far. I was finally able to come up with my own list after lots of thought! I decided to focus on ways to take chances in different areas of my life.

work 

2016 is going to be a year of big changes at work! 8th grade English will be going from being a semester course to a year-long course (with the same 84 minute class periods) in order to better prepare our students for our very difficult state standardized test and their high school courses. I'm excited about having twice as much time with students - more than I've ever had before - because I'll be able to give them time for independent reading and we won't have to move on to new skills until they're ready. On the other hand, I'm very nervous about the change because it means I'll most likely be spending one semester on our other middle school campus, where I don't know very many people and which has a reputation for being very straight-laced. I've suggested an idea for a pilot program that would blend a high-level English class with one of our elective courses and several of the other English teachers really like it - we'll see what the rest of the faculty thinks when we meet this week.

wellness

I've been starting to really invest in my own health over the past few years, although I will be the first one to admit I'm bad at remembering to take care of me. I'm going to face my social anxiety by going to the gym more often for cardio, and I'm also considering signing up for a Couch to 5K program our local Parks and Rec department is offering - I have never liked running, so I would like to actually learn how to run properly.

faith

I would love to find a church community to participate in, but I've used my anxiety as an excuse to spend Sunday mornings at home. I think I am going to just put myself out there and see which of my friends, family members and co-workers will invite me to their churches. I know that I got unbelievably lucky when I lived in Charlottesville and found the perfect church for me via Google. I also know that I might not necessarily find a church that meets all my "perfect church" expectations (simple facility, won't make me work in the nursery, doesn't think women belong in the kitchen, doesn't see depression as a lack of faith, diverse and inclusive), but that I might have to work to "be the change" within that community.

family

Where are you, dream house?

Mr. Q and I will hopefully be buying a house in 2016! The idea of moving out of our townhouse gives me very mixed emotions - on the one hand, I'm totally psyched to get out of this temporary arrangement. On the other hand, I really do love our cozy townhouse; it's perfect for us right now and I've gotten very spoiled living so close to work. Moving on to the next phase of grown-up life is scary.

hobbies

I'd like to be able to stop referring to writing as a hobby and begin to truly pursue it as a career. I'm not very good at sticking to a writing schedule or being self-disciplined, and sometimes I worry that blog writing is actually taking me away from creative writing - you may see me taking a break from the blog for a while this year as I try to get more serious about my passion. My writing is kind of all over the place, but almost all of my stories have a fantasy element. I used to write poetry regularly and would like to get back into that as well. I don't know the first thing about submitting writing to magazines and such, so it's time to learn! My goal is to finish my portfolio and apply to the MFA program at Hollins College - even if I don't become a successful professional author, I think an MFA in creative writing will help me to be a better teacher of writing and a better mentor to new teachers.

#5FandomFriday: January 8th - 5 Ways I Grew in 2015

5 Fandom Friday is a weekly prompt challenge hosted by The Nerdy Girlie and Super Space Chick. This week's #5FandomFriday topic is 5 Ways I Grew/Changed/Evolved in 2015, and as I wrote this post I realized it was going to get very personal. Instead of how I grew as a geek, I'm writing about how I grew as a person in 2015.

5. I stopped reading books I wasn't excited about.

Reading is my favorite hobby, it's basically my identity, and I like being able to feature book reviews here on the blog - particularly for new releases! However, this year I realized I wasn't looking forward to some of the books that I had downloaded to review for one service I had joined. I realized that I really didn't like the way that particular service was set up - if I didn't review a book in a certain amount of time, they would drop me from their list of bloggers, but there often wasn't a book I was super-excited about on the list of offerings. I finally came to the realization that there are so many amazing books out there I haven't read - award winners, classics, bestsellers, books in series and by authors I already love - and life is simply too short to slog through books that don't spark my inner fire! I left that not-so-great service behind and am mostly getting books from the public library now, with the occasional new release from NetGalley.

4. I realized that I can't be everyone's friend.

After the spring field trip I had a serious falling out with a co-worker who I had tried very hard to befriend even though she had a reputation for being hard to work with. This coworker posted some passive aggressive comments on my personal social media (basically suggesting that I could have done a better job planning the trip) and other co-workers, and eventually administrators, saw them. She was reprimanded and there was just no getting back the friendship - I did not feel like I could trust her. Both in my private and work life, I've learned over the past year or so that if a friendship feels like work, it's probably not working, and that it's okay to let go. I've always been really friendly to everyone I work with, and I still will, but ultimately I've realized that the fewer people I confide in the less likelihood there will be of my feelings getting hurt.

3. I took initiative with my family.

My extended family lost a lot of our closeness when my grandmother passed away about 15 years ago. She was definitely our matriarch - nurturing, vivacious, and tough - and most of my Saturdays growing up were spent at her house with all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and cousins' kids. This year, I took a baby step toward trying to have a better relationship with my cousins, and a few of us had a girls' weekend in Charlottesville and went to the Fleetwood Mac concert. There were a few hiccups, but ultimately it was a great weekend, we really bonded and opened up to each other, and I think my cousins see me as a real person now and not a little kid.

2. I started seeing myself as beautiful again.

It sounds silly to write this, but I find myself smiling when I look in the mirror for the first time in years. I was bullied about my appearance in middle school and my self-esteem has been fairly low ever since - I've been confident about being smart, being a good leader, being a good person, but I've been anxious about my looks. I think I've always had this crazy fear in the back of my mind that Mr. Q or one of my friends would turn to me one day and go, "you know, I never noticed before, but your face is covered in gross acne scars and your hairy arms make me want to vomit!" This summer, I participated in a few style challenges on Instagram. I thought that seeing my picture every day would be annoying to my friends - I seriously believed people hated selfies - but I got lots of nice comments, both on Instagram and in person! As the summer went on, I realized that I was actually feeling better about myself. I've also started getting "real" haircuts and color this year - for years I had been going home to get my haircut, and while those $12 haircuts were easy on my wallet they weren't actually very flattering! Finally, this year I feel like I was able to nail down my personal style with help from capsule wardrobe bloggers, Stitch Fix, and lots of time on Pinterest, and I feel much more comfortable and confident in clothes that actually fit both my body and lifestyle.

1. I admitted that I wasn't as strong as I was pretending to be.

In December, I went through my worst bout of clinical depression in nine years. As I was dealing with the usual funk that settles in around the anniversary of my father's death, the thought, "This has been the most disappointing year of my life" popped into my head, and I wept for pretty much a day straight. My reasons for feeling that way weren't just in my head: first, we intended to purchase a home this year, but the market where we live has not had many options that are in our price range and right for our lifestyle. I was heartbroken because I felt like I'd "lost" opportunities due to the sacrifices we'd made to save "house money" for a house that doesn't exist. On top of that, the boxer puppy I'd been promised by a friend-of-a-friend and was so excited about was sold on Craigslist in a very dishonest way. Even as Mr. Q helped me to count my blessings - we rent a lovely townhome in a convenient location at an affordable rate, skipping theater and restaurant dates helped us get creative, and giving up my dream vacation helped us discover a new favorite American city - the depression wasn't lifting. I was starting to have physical symptoms and had to take a day off work. When I went back the next day, intending to make an appointment with a psychologist during my planning period, my hands were shaking so badly during homeroom and my chest felt so tight that I had to take a second day off. That was it - if I couldn't do my job, I obviously wasn't okay. The depression was real. Mr. Q came home from work to take me to the doctor, and I'm on some new medication. It felt a bit like a step back, since I'd worked so hard years ago to stop taking antidepressants, but here's the thing - my brain doesn't produce serotonin correctly. Taking medication for depression is no different than taking medication if any of my other organs weren't working the way they should be. I've been more honest with my family, friends, and co-workers this go-round about how bad my depression really was and how much the medication is actually helping, and I'm feeling much better.